Saturday, March 31, 2012

At war

When I was drinking I was at war with myself.  My weapon of choice was alcohol.  After twenty-two years of battle I found myself close to death and decided to wave the white flag.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Diary of a drunk

In the beginning I drank to fit in.  In the middle I drank to forget.  Towards the end I drank because it was all that I knew.

The drunken me

Who Am I?  Where am I?  How did I get here?  

Completely clueless

The toughest part of recovery for me was getting acquainted with a complete stranger.  That stranger was me!  When I started drinking at the age of thirteen I only associated with the drunken Jay.  Years later when I stepped into recovery I found myself alone, sober and completely clueless. 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The killer within me is...

The killer within me is the reason I pray everyday.  When I drink I drive.  I no longer drink and therefore I no longer drive drunk.  Daily prayer is what keeps me focused and away from the bottle.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Where to?

Drunkenness, recovery or sobriety.  Where do you choose to live life as an alcoholic?

This is it

Just when I think I can go back out there, somebody's struggle and hardship pulls me right back in.  People helping people without the bottle.  That's what it's all about!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A powerful addiction

If I wasn't drinking I was thinking about drinking.  Eventually at some point alcohol consumes us more than we consume it.

If I were normal

If I could drink just one or two drinks I would be drinking all the time!!!  But then again that is what makes me an alcoholic:(  Never mind.  

Coming soon

In about two weeks I will have a brand new updated website!!  Stay close.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Recovery

I have to overcome alcohol before I can overcome anything else.

No excuse!

Even now after 16 years away from the bottle my drinking days still haunt me occasionally.  I WILL always be an alcoholic.  But that is no excuse to ever take another drink. 

Friday, March 16, 2012

I just knew

Somewhere between my drunkenness and the stars I knew that peace existed.

At my lowest moment

Shame held me down while guilt beat me.

Last call

Eyes too bloodshot to ever have appreciated a sunrise.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Alcoholic influence

I was always under the influence of alcohol.  When I wasn't drinking I was hungover.  There was rarely a time when alcohol didn't have some kind of influence on my life.

An ugly life

Being a drunk was fun for a few years.  Then it got down right ugly and twisted.  Anything that causes so much hardship and tears can't be worth it day in and day out.  It took me too long to realize that and the only reason I did was by the Grace of a loving God.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Winning ugly

Sometimes my life can get just plain ugly.  Most of the time I am to blame.  Through it all I remain grateful and most of all sober.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The truth of the matter

Worn down by constant years of failure have never threatened my sobriety but they do threaten my relationship with God.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The great escape

Drunk became a way of life both night and day.  After awhile I realized recovery was the only way out.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

A loaded gun

If you see somebody in your rear view mirror it is probably me pointing a loaded gun at your entire family.  This is what driving under the influence really comes down to.

Nothing was ever enough

I was never able to get drunk enough to quiet the pain and confusion in my head.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Full throttle

I only knew one way.  It was all the way for as long as I could.  And that is what nearly killed me.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Take a good look

If we see ourselves as others have seen us for years we might see enough drunk to get sober.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Remembering

I hit a HORRIBLE emotional bottom.  I will always remember that what I wanted most was to know that God was still my friend!  

Recovery

It gets easier after awhile, TRUST ME!!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Separation anxiety

Alcohol abuse created anger and anger separated me from God.

While I was drinking

I was doing bad things and I knew they were wrong while I was doing them.  This was the most disturbing part of my alcoholism.

Friday, March 2, 2012

A memorable fact

Even though I haven't had a drink in over 16 years I still have a drinking problem.  That is a problem I never want to forget.

The truth about recovery

The danger of living in recovery too long is that it borders drunkenness.  Sobriety should be the ultimate goal of every alcoholic.

What was I thinking

So smooth and sexy going down.  Your intoxication took my breath away and nearly took my life.