I laughed

When I drank I laughed until I cried.  When I started to cry I could not stop and all I wanted to do was die!

No more time for the bottle

Time in a bottle is where I used to hang out with my insecurity.  Time in a bottle is where I use to hide from everyone and everything.

Dead drunk

Dead drunk was probably the ultimate goal at my lowest point.  I just didn't know how to live another day under the influence.

A thought...

Without sobriety my obituary would be long forgotten.

Going down

Sometimes rock bottom is the best place to find success cause it certainly can't be found under the influence!

The progression

One drink became many.  Many drinks became hours of drinking.  Hours of drinking turned into a night of drunkenness.  Night became day and remorse gave me a bitter jolt that seldom lasted longer than nausea and tears.  This was my pattern for twenty painful years.

Half dead

Half dead is what I became when alcohol first made it's presence known in my life.  From that moment forward sobriety or death where the only possible alternatives.  

We are that close

One drink is all that separates many of you from me.  That is a gap we should be able to change.

A thought

Tomorrow and yesterday are hope and remorse to the alcoholic.

The bottom of the bottle

Death or insanity is the after taste I never wanted to experience.

Get curious

God has the answers to questions that you do not even know yet.

Think about this...

There are people in my life today who never would have existed if I was not able to walk away from alcohol 16 years ago.  God's plan was able to happen because I allowed Him, to help me, when I needed help the most.

Sobriety

Live long, laugh often, love and be loved.

Goals

Constant drunkenness was my goal before the first drink.  Finding a way to stop was my goal after the first drink.

No last call

The mind of an alcoholic never closes for business.

Just talking

I could never talk myself out of that next drink because it was the first drink that was doing all the talking.

Killer magic

In the end I was so sick and tired of myself that even alcohol could no longer work it's magic.

Many drinks

I never told myself I was going to drink just one.  I would try and stop after six, then eight, then twelve.  I then tried just drinking beer.  At one point I attempted to limit the number of hours I was going to drink.  Two, three or maybe four.  None of these strategies ever got me any where.

A few drinks became dozens.  Only beer turned into shots and a couple of hours often became several days.

Sound familiar?  I'm Jay Kolo and I'm an alcoholic.  Always was, always will be.

A friend in need

Alcohol came around at a time in my life when I desperately need a friend.  I drank and drank and let alcohol do the rest.

Runaway train

That is what life is like for me after the first drink.

Which way do I go?

Everything in life is better sober!  For 20 years I was doing it the hard way.  The hard way is compliments of alcohol.

Madness

Life went from bad to worse and then I reached for the bottle.  The pain of mornings remorse will forever scar my soul. 

Taking a dive

Every time I got drunk it was like taking a dive.  I took a perfectly good situation and pissed all over it.

Hope

What I can always see on my worst day of sobriety is tomorrow.  And with tomorrow comes hope! 

The power of prayer

What appeared to be the final moments of my life turned out to be the start of something big.  That big I am referring to is sobriety and it was the power of prayer that got me going! 

Step up

Making the best decision on the worst day of my life is why I am here now.

New site

I should have the new version of Jaykolo.com up and running by April 15th!!

Healing

Recovery is healing and healing can begin at anytime.  Healing hurts, healing is necessary, healing is what will lead you to permanent sobriety.  For me healing began when I got down on my knees and pleaded with God to take away my insane desire to always be drunk.

I've said this before

Quitting drinking is the hardest thing you will ever do.  The only thing harder is dying a drunk! 

In the drivers seat

When I totally depended on alcohol it was like tossing the car keys to the bottle.  Alcohol was in the drivers seat.  It took me wherever it wanted to go.  No matter what the outcome was, alcohol was in charge for a long, long time.  When I finally decided to leave alcohol in the rear view mirror life was tough.  I had to learn how to think, act, react and survive all without the aid of the substance which nearly caused me a fatal crash.