August 10, 1995

Heading into August.  The month my sobriety started 17 years ago.  Remember one thing.  Nobody goes into treatment on a winning streak.

Dislike

When I drank everything I disliked about myself alcohol made worse.

Blinded by the next drink

None so blind as those who refuse to see!

Sad moment

My worst moment was when I saw myself as others had seen me for years.

Head of the household

Families are not families when alcohol is head of the household.

Runaway

I ran away from myself for twenty years and the bottle was with me every step of the way.

A.A.

Alcoholics anonymous is not the only way, it just happens to be the most traveled way.

Personal choices

Chaos was my drink of choice.  Disappointment and depression were the aftertaste.  And fear was what kept me coming back.

The first drink

I was always insane but the first drink was what kept me there.

I was wrong

About three months into my recovery I realized I was wrong and God was right!

Sitting pretty

Sitting pretty without the bottle even when things get ugly.

Certain doom

Sobriety offers a way out while constant drunkenness is a one way path towards death, insanity or some other form of certain doom.

In the beginning

Early in sobriety I found a way to mess things up without the help of alcohol.  This was very discouraging and tested my will and commitment to remain sober.

INsAnITY

While I drank I must of driven under the influence at least a thousand times.  I am certain I passed through at least five intersections each of those thousand times. That means I drove through 5000 intersections very, very drunk!!!  Now that is insanity and that is something I will always be ashamed of.

Some of the miracle

I am 51 years old.  I can bench press nearly 400lbs. and squat even more.  I rarely experience and ache or pain and have not felt depressed in nearly ten years.  My heart and health are excellent.  The last day I missed at the gym was December 25th, 2009!!!  I am closing in on 1000 consecutive workouts!!

This is a direct result of sobriety and God's wonderful Grace!!  

Regrets...I have a few

What I regret most is the people I hurt, the verbal abuse I dished out and the tears that I caused:(

Towards the end

Towards the end blackout drinking became the norm.  And because of it poverty, lack, anger, depression and extreme frustration became the norm as well.  It was no way to live my life and it nearly killed me.

Listen up

We may not be responsible for the way we drink, but we are responsible for finding the help we need to quit.

To error is human...

But to drink beyond excess is a complete waste of a human life.

Go figure

When I quit drinking I had many theories but no sobriety.  Now almost seventeen years later I have sobriety but no theories!

Not one thin dime

The craving for alcohol left me with no control.  If I had money, I was drunk. PERIOD!!!

Getting to know you

When you get to know God you will find out all kinds of wonderful things about yourself.

Last ditch effort

When therapy failed and medication did not work I wept.  When family and friends could not help I left town.  When healing was no where to be found and all seemed lost I got on my knees and shouted out to God for help.   Suddenly things started to fall in place.  I found the courage and the people I needed in order to make sobriety a long term reality.  God was my last ditch effort and He was the only one I ever really needed.

Talk to me!

I am resurrecting my old internet radio show entitled "Mornings Remorse".  It will air Mondays and Fridays at noon on BlogTalkRadio.com  It is going to be a thirty minute segment designed to inspire, enlighten and help those who need it most. Please consider joining me.  Archived episode are also available!  I will post more specific details as I finalize them.  The first show is set for Friday July 27th at noon.

The sober me!

My best friend

My best friend tried to kill me.  For a very long time my best friend was the bottle. We had a wild friendship that had no potential and promised to go no where, but I clung to it, because I couldn't imagine being good enough or wanted by anyone else.

Our mental state

It wasn't really the alcohol as much as my mental state.  It was in such disarray that I turned to alcohol to cope.  That is when disarray took off to a whole new level.  Soon after disaster became the norm.  I am praying for you Taylor!!

Gravity

I am glad God created gravity.  If not I may have jumped off the earth years ago when alcohol had the better of me.

The way I saw it

The bottle told me to see all that was wrong with you while I turned a blind eye towards myself.

It was all on me

My own addiction and love for the bottle was worse than any external enemy I had ever come across.

Bad decision

Alcohol made it's presence known at a time in my life when I needed some type of emotional guidance.  Taking that first drink was a big mistake.  In some ways I will forever be handicapped.

Some days

Sobriety is so much more than just not drinking but some days the best I can do is to just not drink!

Shouldering the blame

I sit back and ponder how I have been placing too much of the blame on alcohol as of late.  Now that I am sober the burden of my setbacks rest squarely on my shoulders.

Option?

Sobriety is not an option, it is the only road away from certain doom that always accompanies the bottle.

In preparation

God is preparing me for something.  And man does it hurt!!

Have faith

Have faith that your sobriety will be permanent.  Faith is something we don't have to understand, we just have to do our best to believe it.

The sober side

I will always be an alcoholic so I might as well live my life on the sober side of the disease.

Fear

Sobriety brings with it success.  And after years of failing success is what I feared the most.

Honesty

Honesty!  Without it, the desire to drink, will always haunt you.  When you can be totally honest with yourself and God in your most private moments, you are able to put great distance between you, and that next drink.  Continued honesty means that next drink never happens.

The possibilities

God never changes, we do!  That is why sobriety is always possible.

Humble

When I am humbled I seem to be my most productive.  Alcohol kept my ego so BIG that being humble was not possible.

Needs

I need God now more than ever!  I have always needed God instead of a drink.

See only the good

If we fail to see a bit of God in everyone we will never see Him in ourselves.

The look

I remember the look in my dad's eyes when I first came home drunk.  I remember the look in my dad's eyes when I came home after serving only 14 months of a 4 year stretch in the navy.  Drunkenness put an end to my military career.


I remember the look in my dad's eyes as he lay in the hospital dying.  At the time I had nearly six years of sobriety.  I shall cherish that look the rest of my living days. There are moments the the power of sobriety is awesome beyond comprehension.

Serene scene

My latest monthly contribution entitled " Down and Out" can be found at...

www.serenescenemagazine.com

My biggest sin was...

putting alcohol before everybody else!

Crime

It would be a crime if I did not give to someone who was in greater need than me.  What can I do to help you sober up?

Remorse

I have no love, I have no desire.  I feel nothing other than remorse.

Crying out loud

My flesh cries out for one more drink.  My flesh is never silent.

Smile

If you refuse to get into a program of recovery your ability to smile will be fully dependent on the bottle.

Being drunk

I drank to get drunk because I thought that being drunk, confused and lonely was all I deserved at the time

Help

There is help and that help does not exist in or anywhere near the bottle.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is another day unless you are stuck in the drunk.  In that case tomorrow will be exactly like your worst collection of yesterdays.

Remorse

Eat, drink and be miserable.  For too long that was my motto.  That was my shadow otherwise known as remorse.

Hungry

God doesn't create drunks.  We do that to ourselves.  He creates a way out from the misery of drunkenness.  We just have to be hungry enough to want it.

Mercy

He has mercy on my soul because even sober I fall far, far short of His glory!

A tough road

For over twenty years alcohol just beat the crap out of me and I allowed it to.  One day I could not take the beatings anymore so I turned to God and shouted "help me out here".  He did in a way that was rough and tumble and came with many lessons.  It also came with peace, love and joy.

Pain

I still have pain on the inside when I think of all the people I hurt and disappointed when I allowed alcohol to do my talking.

Crazy drunk

If you are going to get crazy drunk this 4th of July please, please don't drive!!

A thought

Sober is a state of mind.  Drunkenness is an avoidable disaster.

When all else fails

When all else fails the power of prayer is a lifesaver.  Simple, private and life changing.