All about drinking

Thinking about drinking was actually as bad as drinking itself.  It consumed me.  I was either thinking, drinking or I was in remorse after drinking.  Eventually drinking became my full-time job!

My sad existence

I enjoyed drinking very much.  I craved alcohol all the time.  I could not stop once I started.  I felt needed alcohol to calm my mind, stir my soul and warm my heart.

This is how it was for a long time.  I AM AN ALCOHOLIC!

Stop thinking

If I think too much I run the risk of relapse.  I just let it happen, accept, tolerate and keep in close contact with my creator.

Restoration

Recovery is a long journey that restores us to who we were originally meant to be.  A second chance at our original beginning.

I was a starnger

One day I looked around and saw nothing but strangers, and nobody was stranger than I.  When did this happen?  How did this happen?  I had become a complete product of the bottle.

I gave and gave

I gave myself completely to alcohol and received nothing in return.

Forgiveness

I have yet to fully forgive myself for the selfish monster I became when alcohol entered my system.

Blackout

After awhile blackout was a common ending to a night out.  I knew no other way.  I think my brain was trying to tell me something.

Simplicity

The most complex problems often have simple solutions.

Asking God to remove the desire to drink was something I prayed every morning for a long time.  Without that constant craving for booze, I was able to go to work on myself, and fix whatever it was, that made me go astray.

Relax

Nobody goes into recovery on a winning streak!

Never perfect

I have mastered the art of sobriety but I still stumble when it comes to the game of life.

The price we must pay

Sobriety don't come easy and drunkenness don't come cheap.  Often times it will cost you your life.  

Sobriety

It's almost midnight and I know where I'm at.  I am at home with a loving family. We are in the midst of some struggles and yet we still have joy.  That is what sobriety is all about.

17 years

17 years ago today I decided to end my life.  Drunkenness, depression, anger, remorse and fear had taken their toll.  I wanted OUT!!  Instead I walked three miles to a hospital emergency room in St. Paul, MN.  I begged for help.  I have not had a drink since. I was blessed to develop coping skills and make friends with wonderful people who guided me away from the bottle.  I also developed a personal relationship with God.

Sobriety is a reality if we open up to others and focus our attention on God and not our addiction.

Down and out

At my lowest moment I got a glimpse of sobriety on my knees.

The drunken journey

I wandered for years trying to find myself.  My biggest mistake was allowing alcohol to be my compass.

Bad taste

I can no longer taste alcohol but I can definitely taste the pain and disappointment that came with twenty plus years of drinking.  That is a taste that takes time to swallow and digest.

For get the 12 steps

The first step is to be truly honest with yourself.

Drunk is not art

If my life as a drunk were a painting, the canvas would be a blur of blood, tears and wasted sweat.

The fix is on

Hungover, lost, broke, angry, hopeless and burning with remorse.  All of this after a hard night of drinking was never enough to make me stop.  That is why something so simple, yet complex was needed.  That something was a spiritual fix.  That spiritual fix for me was God and it has kept me sober over 6000 days.

The way

Remember, nothing with diminish that desire to drink like honesty, prayer and reaching out to others.

Nearing 17 years

I am still here and I am still sober.  I am a few days away from reaching 17 years without a drink!  It was a painful process that wasn't always easy.  But I cannot imagine how painful it would be if I were still drinking. I went from drunkenness to recovery to permanent sobriety.  Stick around and I will share with you my story.  Not the drunken one, but rather the one which took me away from alcohol permanently.

Serene Scene Magazine

My monthly contribution to Serene Scene Magazine can be at ...
www.serenescenemagazine.com

I'm still here

I have received countless emails urging me to continue on with my daily blog.  I will keep all of your opinions under advisement.  I will continue to blog this weekend and post my decision within the next few days.  Your sobriety means more to me than you realize. I am going to do my best to continue to make sobriety blogging part of my daily grind.

Good bye!!

My blog will be coming to an end!!  This is my final blog (at least on this site).  I am having a new website built.  I am going to combine my photography, public speaking and books in one convenient place.  So come and visit me at www.jaykolo.com in about four weeks and see what I have been up to.

Sobriety has been GOOD to me and with a little hard work and some courage sobriety can be just as good to you!!

Love & my best to you all!!

Jay
jaysdesk@jaykolo.com  

Thanks!

I could not do anything without you.  Thank you for helping me, by allowing me to help you!

Big changes

There are going to be many changes in the coming weeks.  I am going to combine my fine art photography site with this site.  I am going to be promoting my fine art line, my books and my national public speaking.  I am excited, humbled and thrilled.
Sobriety...it's a wild ride!