Happy Halloween

The joy of Halloween and family is a true reflection of me having the courage to put the bottle down years ago.  So much to be thankful for, so many simple pleasures that did not exist when alcohol was in charge.

A sickness like no other

I was so low that I depended on alcohol just to lift me up enough where I could experience misery.  That seemed to be the best the bottle could offer me, yet I kept coming back for more.

The power of prayer

Prayer has lifted me up from the muck of temptation more times than I can remember.  My sobriety depends on it.

NOBODY!

Ain't got nobody waiting at home was the story of my life, when alcohol was king of the castle.

Back in time

Turning back the clock begins when we put down the bottle and allow God to take us back to where it was we were when we had our very first drink.

God is love

I will fight God every step of the way because my alcoholic mind attempts, on an unconscious level, to always make things difficult.  I will eventually surrender and find that God is love and so am I.

All is well, God is good.

The best part of each day is sobriety.  The worst part of each day is sobriety.  And the only way I can tell the difference between the two is the personal relationship I have with God.

I weep

I weep, when I think about others, who are now, what I once was.

ALCOHOLISM

Whether it was two drinks every night, or two cases every other Saturday, drinking was all that I ever thought about, and that my friends becomes the ISM of the ALCOHOL.

Sadness

Under the influence will always own two decades of my life.

Stay sober

As long as I don't take a drink I have a fighting chance at overcoming the insanity which constantly plagues me.

Personal relationship

My personal relationship with God is what keeps me sober.  That relationship did not happen overnight.

Alcoholics Anonymous

A.A is not the only way, but it is a good way to go through early recovery.  A.A. does not have to last forever, only sobriety does.  I went to A.A. faithfully for about the first three years.  After that, I took my new found coping skills and got reacquainted with main stream society. 

Pure bottom

Only when faced with death did I decided to give recovery an honest from the heart try.

A distant memory

I think about him often, even though I have not seen him in over 17 years.  When he finally put the bottle down I had a chance to emerge and I decided right then and there to never look back.

A painful cycle

It seemed that booze brought on fear and depression, and then, I would need that very same booze to chase the fear and depression away.

Lies

It's the lies that I told myself that kept me trapped in the cycle of addiction.

Desperation

I finally found the courage to quit when I was unable to get drunk anymore. Alcohol just quit working and I was forced to see myself as I truly was.

Nice to meet you

I had few friends, if I knew you, you were probably a fall down drunk too!

Shame

I lied to everyone I knew including myself.  That is something that will always shame me.

The drunk-o-log

I drove drunk from Minneapolis to Chicago without any memory of the trip.  This was not enough to make me seek treatment.  That is insanity!

The drunk-o-log

I once started drinking in Chicago and woke up the next morning in Atlanta.  This was not enough to make me want to seek help.  That is insanity!

Sad ending

To end myself would have allowed the pain of my alcoholism to live and torment others many years beyond my existence.

Unthinkable

Alcohol nearly convinced me to take my own life when I was 33 years old.  This is what happens when we allow alcohol to dominate the majority of our waking moments.

The way it used to be

One day I was startled to find myself looking out from the inside of a bottle.

The way it used to be

I clung to the bottle for over twenty years while misery beat me senseless.

The way it used to be

I lived in a place void of tomorrows because when I was under the influence tomorrow never came.

The way it used to be

Wandering without an emotional compass and the bottle was my only guide.

No reason

I didn't need a reason to drink...I AM AN ALCOHOLIC.  My mind is constantly inventing ways to sabotage all that is good and decent about me.

Dreams

If I had dreams they were unrealized back when the bottle was in charge.

How to...

How to get sober and stay sober!  That's what recovery is all about.

SURRENDER

Surrender to a new life and don't stop until your sober!!

In your head

Drunkenness is an illness and a bad habit.  Sobriety is a spiritual frame of mind.

Serene scene

My monthly article contribution can be found at  www.serenescenemagazine.com

Abnormal

I might not have drank everyday, but everyday I was thinking about drinking and trying hard not to go through with it.

Recovery

The more I cared about others the less of a desire I had to drink.  This was the beginning of my sobriety.  This is what recovery is all about.

Costly

I would have to estimate with great accuracy that during my two decades under the influence drinking easily cost me between $180,000 and $225,000!  That includes money spent at bars, lost wages, drunken driving charges and healthcare.  But the biggest expense is a loss of time.  I can't put a price on that.  I really do not remember the 1980's.  

Depression

I was much sicker emotionally than I ever was physically.  Alcohol fueled me as I tried to out run depression.

Pictures

Pictures on the wall of me as a child told a different story.  How had I become the person I was?  And was alcohol entirely to blame?

Problems

Without alcohol I still had some big problems.  But none so big as those I encountered while under the influence.

Who am I

I was a stranger to myself.  I was an actor, and alcohol was my director, and for too long I was putting on an unimaginable performance.

Hope

Hope was the first feeling I experienced when I turned my back on the bottle.

Always reeling

I could never get drunk enough and I could never get sober enough to know the difference.

Amends

For those who knew me when.  I'm glad you know me now.

So sober

Where had the drunk in me gone? I ponder this question all the time.

Honesty

Sobriety starts the moment we are honest with ourselves about our drinking, our current situation and our past.  Without honesty the desire to drink is just too overwhelming!

First drink

I remember little after the first drink.  After that first drink something eerie inside of me took over.  I guess it was the disease.  But whatever it was it made me a horrible human being.  I hated myself every moment but turned my back on what alcohol was doing to me.

A sad fact

Way too drunk to to ever desire anything better for myself.  This is how it was for a long, long time.

Always

I now believe I was an alcoholic long before I ever took my first drink.

Always about drinking

If I wasn't drinking I was thinking about drinking or I was trying to overcome a big night of drinking.  Drinking dominated the majority of my waking moments.

Pre-drunk

Sometimes I would get pre-drunk before I even hit the bars.  I would then drink for up to ten hours, sleep for a few, and then I would require a drink or two in order to get going in the morning.  That was what my life as an alcoholic was like for many years.  Sickening and methodical.

Recovery

The wreckage of my past could only be seen while in recovery.  It was a terrifying sight.

Keys

I found the keys to hell at the bottom of a bottle at age thirteen and embarked on a twenty year journey of misery.  Nothing short of Gods Grace saved me from a frightful ending.

Just dead

If I had not stopped drinking I would be dead today.  That would have been a tragedy ending up a statistic instead of a blessing.

12 ounces shy of glory

That first drink is what separates us from our full potential.

Time to live

Never free from sin, never without anxiety but a life lived without alcohol is worth living despite a few daily setbacks.

Guilt

Guilt that sticky residue from too many days drunk is a constant reminder of how awful a human being I used to be.  To those I offended I am truly sorry!  

The ghost

The ghost of many drunken days past still haunts me with guilt.  Thank God sobriety is always here to bail me out.

We must get sober!

Alcoholism swallows us up whole and traps us under the influence.  We have no choice but to drown in drunkenness.

Sit tight

From where I sit everything is wrong.  But then I realize I am sober and I figure I'm sitting pretty.

One day at a time

I didn't drink today.  That's been happening a lot the last seventeen years.  One day at a time sure adds up!

On my knee's

On my knee's in a moment of complete defeat and humility is where my sobriety was born.