16 years ago tonight I found myself minutes from death. Actually what appeared to be my final moments turned out to be the last time I would take a drink. Tomorrow August 10, 2011 I will celebrate 16 years away from the bottle. That is 16 years sober! There was a time when I could not stop drinking for 16 days.
That frightful night 16 years ago was a night filled with failure and fear. Alcohol just quit working for me. I could not get drunk enough to stifle the pain that was spinning around inside of my mind. I felt that suicide was the only way out. I was 34 years old, alone, penniless, nearly homeless and without hope. I had allowed alcohol to do quite a number on me. And now I was paying for it emotionally. I had hit a painful, dark and seemingly inescapable bottom!
As I mentioned death seemed to be the only way out. But alcohol had done something else to me. It had turned me into a coward. Now I was too scared to live and too scared to die. I was stuck in a horrible crevice. I then cried out to God for help!! I would soon realize that what I was doing was praying. It was the first time I had prayed in years.
I was emotionally drained. It was about 2am and I passed out on the floor of the damp and dingy basement room that I was renting by the week. When I awoke I could not believe I was still alive. I shot up, got dressed and walk furiously down the street. Thirty minutes later I walked into a local emergency room. I told the nurse that I could not stop drinking and was having strong thoughts of suicide. It was the first time in years I had been honest with another human being. Within 48 hours I was taken by ambulance to a treatment facility to begin a long term rehab. I had been down this road before but this time something was different. This time I meant business. I wanted to LIVE! And I wanted to be SOBER! That's how it was 16 years ago.
In the coming weeks I will blog about my early days in recovery. I hope you will be here right by my side.
